Match Reports 2012 - February

Sunday 26 February 2012

Views expressed in these reports are my personal ones and are not necessarily those of the rest of the league committee. MoMs decided by the match official.

PINKSTERS TITLE HOPES DENTED BY THE IRONS

LIMEYS STRUGGLE TO DEFEAT TIGERS

ALL STARS BOUNCE BACK FROM LAST WEEK'S TROUNCING

Division 1 News
Game of the night was the last played of the evening as the title-chasing pinksters took on The Irons who are beginning to look worryingly consistent despite their, albeit unfortunate, defeat against the limeys recently.  Defeat for the pinks tonight would virtually extinguish their chances of their first top flight title having already lost 7 points this season.  It would also leave them 11 points behind their limey rivals with just one game in hand and although they still have to play the champs, their bitter rivals would have to lose a further 6 points before they could be caught.  The Irons, even without skipper Tony Smith still, have got a consistent squad together to actually play every week and whoever replaces Smudger seems to have a goal or two in them.  Tonight the appropriately named Hammer Sontag fired The Irons into a 2-goal lead giving sub keeper Mark Smith no chance in goal.  Just before the break, a couple of shoves and kicks led to a bit of handbags between Cain Robinson and The Irons' Dickie Longley which meant both players missing a couple of minutes either side of half time to cool down.  Once both had returned and with still 5 minutes to go, the pinksters were handed a lifeline when a mishit flick back to his keeper by The Hammer was mistakenly gathered outside his area by Dave Clark to give Dave Hardy the chance to score from the resultant penalty which he duly did.  Soon afterwards The Jash Man fired Sawbo level but luckily for The Irons up popped Chris Dorian to curl in the winning third goal for The Irons immediately after the restart to take his team into the top half of the table.  Next season could prove interesting for The Irons if they maintain their good form.  As for the pinks, not really at the races today and maybe not helped by the absence of keeper Steve Barnard.  (MoM_Adam Sontag)

The champs had to face new-look Bayside Tigers tonight for the first time and they got a bit of a fright.  This is another team who could do well next season in their first full cycle.  It didn't start well for them tonight however after the limey's first attack brought about the opening goal as Ashley Conlan's nutmeg and "beautifully weighted pass" to team mate Jimmy Ellice saw the latter fire home as Tigers' keeper seemed to clatter into his near post.  Soon afterwards and to show they are not invincible, Alan Price set up Chris Webb for an equaliser.  A slight dispute over the limeys' second goal as the rotund match official spotted a foul on Ash as he shot over the bar.  His direct free kick wasn't defended especially well and was fired straight into the net for Ash's 37th of the season.  The second half saw the Tigers hanging on assisted in no small way by their reliable keeper but it was eventually they who got the 4th goal of the game as many a limey was heard to shout to get attacker Alan Price off his left foot only to see Mauler do just that and watch as Alan fired in past Malc with his right foot.  It didn't look like a winner was going to arrive as the Tigers batted on and when it did it was inevitably set up by Ashley Conlan for Jim to shoot.  Derek was unlucky with this in goal too as he did everything he could and took most of the pace off the ball but he could only watch in agony as it spun and trickled in off the far post as he scampered back.  The game was killed off by Ash who netted his second from a Malc throw.  Once again, Jimmy could be heard muttering  "surely we've won the league now haven't we?" as he left the hall.  On paper he is wrong of course with still 6 games to go but I think we all know he's probably right.  (MoM_Derek Freeman)

The last time I predicted loads of goals in a Four Friends and Brad match, they ended up losing just 1-0 to the Tigers.  But, there always seem to be a few goals in the mighty Fleetwood's games too so surely a match up between them both would keep both keepers busy tonight.  With the return of our top scorer Ross Townley, I sat this one out although my record of scoring against this lot is second to none. Before Mauler had insisted on our opponents wearing bibs as it helps to be able to distinguish between each team when you're playing I always find, Kermit had given our opponents the lead.  Once being able to see which players are playing for which team, we proceeded to turn the game round to 2-1 through the Townley brothers.  Wes scored for FFAB and Leon then regained the lead for us but before the break, Kerm fired in a spectacular volley on the turn to make it 3-3.  With the match on a knife-edge I stayed off to see how the game panned out and gleefully saw Ross bang in another couple of goals to give us a 2-goal cushion for the first time.  With a few minutes to go, Wes Penny clawed a goal back and then took umbrage to some innocent and legitimate attempts to win the ball by Ross who eventually conceded a free kick.  There was then a bit of handbags again as Wes grabbed Ross by the throat and Ross retaliated.  Both were sent to the side for a couple of minutes.  Ross has never been binned or sent off in his life before so it came as a bit of a shock.  Wes, however, probably spends as much time off the pitch as on it. With 3 and half minutes to go, this seemed an opportune moment for the skip to come on to steady the ship and keep it on course for the last few minutes.  And luckily for us, after last week's debacle, I wasn't skippering the Titanic and we held out for the 5-4 victory. (MoM_Ross Townley)

Galacticos have been suffering of late with an inconsistent team.  Tonight however their line-up seemed more fluid with a few intricate moves which ultimately proved too much for Green Machines.  From the moment Robbie set up Joe Bolt for his the team's opening goal there was only going to be one winner tonight, despite Will Castle's blasted equaliser for 1-1.  A further 7 goals for the yellows followed as Joe Bolt eventually managed 5, and Si Bolt a hat trick, a lot of which were set up by Robbie Wheeler.  Joe blotted his copybook near the end when he took a penalty and fired over after a bit of showboating which sank without trace.  (MoM_Joe Bolt) 

Division 2 News

With the leaders missing again this week, the Disleksicks stood the chance of narrowing the points gap between them and the expected champions elect by defeating Elite FC who themselves are battling for promotion.  Some communication breakdowns today meant that Elite turned up with juct 8 legs to tackle the title chasers so it was always going to be an uphill battle for them.  The rules say it can be a walkover in this situation but rather than award just a 3-0 win to the Dissies, Elite bravely took on the challenge and for a while it looked like it wouldn't be a complete disatser.  The second half knocked the stuffing out of Elite who didn't tven have top score Timmy avalable to take the pressure off the rest for a while.  In the end it got to double figures but despite being 10-0 to the good, the perennial whingers  still managed to moan about everything decision-wise.  Goal scorers were Ben (5), Andy (2), Liam B (2) and Elroy (1) to take the Dissies to within a point of PP at the top.  (MoM_Ben Russell)

Fashion Flooring Centre's long unbeaten run after a shocking start continues into another week as, although not at full strength by any means, they managed to defeat Oddballs, who had to drag a couple of guys from the gym to field a team as it turned out.  Haydn Thorpe scored for the latter to jeopardise FFC's run but Russ Orme soon levelled the scores and Andy got their second with a left foot blast.  In a match not exactly full of end to end action, the blues nevertheless settled their jangly nerves as the crowd swayed and yelled "Go Nad!" to the FFC player heading for the opposition goal near the end.  "Gonad" I thought? The player in question was Nadeem Muhiddin I discovered afterwards.  I thought for one moment that the cry was a description of the football on offer here tonight but it certainly wasn't the dog's b*llocks.  (MoM_Andy Hutchinson)

Finally Harvey's All Stars needed to get last week's drubbing out of their system.  What better chance than to play bottom club Catalan Giants?  As it turned out there were no real problems for them and they move into the top half of the table.  But for Mr Angry(2) and Lee's late consolation, this could and should have been more than just a 6-3 win tonight for the All Stars for whom both Woody and Buzz (well Rick actually but it sounded good) both scored a hat trick.  Tricky with man of the match but I give it to the cowboy! (Mom_Lewis Woodhouse)

Sunday 19 February 2012

Views expressed in these reports are my personal ones and are not necessarily those of the rest of the league committee. MoMs decided by the match official.

CONLAN OPENS HIS LEGS AND SHOWS HIS CLASS

W@NKERS W@LLOPPED

BISHOPS A ONE-MAN TEAM?

Division 1 News
A certain member of the league leading limeys last week left the hall claiming that they had won the title now having gained another 3 points this time against an unlucky Irons side.  Of course Mauler had to correct him with still 8 games to go.  Indeed it was showing disrespect to other teams like the mighty Fleetwood who had yet to play them at all this season before tonight.  Unfortunately for us, we didn't impress tonight.  Well I did impressions actually.  A good one of a sack of potatoes stuck in a vat of cement in fact.  The only part of me that seemed to move tonight was my head as it spun round to look at another Ashley Conlan shot placed precisely and at pace into the far corner of the Finmeister's net.  Short of the running and tenacity of Ross tonight, it was always going to be an uphill struggle.  I didn't expect the north face of the Eiger though.  Although wee Mark Lester pulled us level at 1-1 early on for about 30 seconds with a long range left foot effort, we were chasing the game not to mention shadows for the entire 20 minutes. Bad times.  The first goal of Ash's six was a cheeky back heel and his next two, to show the full range of his talents, were both top corner worldys, first with his right foot and then his left.  His fourth goal was a shot from virtually behind Malcolm in goal, but John "Joe 90" Woodham the ref wouldn't have spotted that, curled into the corner of his choice.  While we're doing Conlan's his last two were placed into the right and then left corner although one was from a rebound that must have hit the wall behind about 8 feet off the floor.  He even had time to set up Jim Ellice who although managed to score just one, also managed to assist in Gino's two strikes.  With another Mark Lester goal and a Leon volley from our own half, at least we only lost the second half 3-2.  But the damage was done in the first period after which we were 6-1 to the bad.  Dare I say it but Conlan seemed unplayable tonight and without him we would have drawn 3-3.  In fact we would have won 3-2 as he set up Jim as well.  So a good night after all for the mighty Fleetwood.  Still they haven't won the league still as yet. It wasn't all one way as we seemed to hit the woodwork a few times tonight as Malcolm expertly judged the trajectory of the ball each time.  What he and Mr Conlan didn't expect was Ronnie Rotund here stooping to almost head the ball home as it pinged back off the bar for about the 5th time.  Would have been one for the scrapbook that.  (MoM_Ashley Conlan)

Another game worth the entrance money should have been The Irons against FC Capulleo but the Spanish w@nkers failed to show up with top scorer Craig Charles or even a replacement due to a communication breakdown.  Luckily for them, so the game could go ahead, Binner's dad was in the leisurezone to enable his son to play on pitch while he donned the keeper's gloves to keep out the Hot Shot Irons. Or try at least.  Dickie Longley found the corner of his net early on having been set up by Paul Kinggett. Given the way the game was going it was a surprise of sorts I guess that Sean Nolan levelled things for the w@nkers soon afterwards.  But it was short-lived as Adam "The Hammer" Sontag fired in the second Irons goal as well as the 3rd after a dodgy throw out by Binner Senior.  Paul Baker returned tonight in place of the unavailable Tony Smith or last week's hero Brad Devonshire and he got the 4th goal. In the second half he seemed determined to get The Hammer his hat trick although Mister "H"'s shot was hardly hammered in but he watched hopefully as it trickled in, just inside the right post as for one moment everyone had thought he had missed an open goal.  And that would have as embarrassing as the Conlan-provoked falling on his backside last week.  A Paul Kinggett shot came off the post for Dickie to claim his second but PK's hard work was rewarded with a goal at the death as Baker put him in.  Sean Nolan did score a second for the yellows but this was a crushing defeat for them, their fourth of the season.  In their defeats they have conceded 25 goals so when they lose, they lose well.  (MoM_Adam Sontag)

The Bayside Tigers/Frontiers game tonight also turned out to a very good watch.  Five goals between them in the first half but none in the second in what was still an entertaining 10 minutes.  I must say that the new-look Tigers (soon to be named Lighter Life) are settling into their new surroundings well and look a team to be reckoned with next season if not the rest of this one their having lost to just Sawbo and Capulleo in all of their games since joining our ranks. Alan Price gave them the lead with a trademark run down the left and left foot strike but there was an unlikely equaliser from Frontiers.  Not unlikely in respect of their scoring but in the goal-scorer in Goughy's return after a long absence.  Much money would have been placed on the returning marksman getting their first goal but in fact it was Desperate Dan Stockley who expertly (I know!) found the bottom left hand corner of Derek's goal in off the post and spinning all the time.  Chris Webb regained the lead for the Tigers with a step-over and shot before Goughy did indeed score to make it 2-2.  Just before the break Alan Price fired in the 5th goal of the game to give the Tigers not only a half time lead but also a full time one.  (MoM_Alan Price)

The pinksters picked up a win by default tonight to close the gap on 2nd spot to just 2 points but even by winning their game in hand and beating the limeys they will still remain 2 points behind their nemesis and require them to drop more points before the end.  The drawback is that the limeys only have games left with teams below them in the league! 

Division 2 News

Just four games tonight, the first of which saw the Disleksicks play their game in hand on the leaders to try and narrow the gap between them again after the Pussays dropped a couple last week.  Their opponents Oddballs, whose form has been, well cold and more cold lately, haven't won a competitive game, other than against the bottom team Catalan, since the beginning of December.  Not high on confidence having lost a 3 goal lead last time out against Elite, tonight started soundly but got steadily worse.  Liam Cuin was back in the starting line-up tonight for the Dissies and put in a sterling performance.  What they lack at the moment is a reliable goalkeeper each week so that everybody else can play on the pitch where they want to.  Tonight Andy Speed and Liam Buckley took it in turns to don the keeper's gloves, neither hand of which was required for a Danny Wilson strike to give Oddballs their only goal of the night. Ben Russell then first set up Elroy for the title challengers' first goal and then scored himself.  Some impressive interchanging of passes between Liam Cuin and Ben Russell brought about a third goal as the latter's final shot was saved by sub keeper Jeff Driscoll but only to the feet of Liam who netted deservedly. The same combination created the 4th goal as a fine back-heel from Liam set up Ben for his 2nd goal of the night and Elroy completed his brace bear the end in this 5-1 win to take the Dissies within 4 points of the top.  They may well regret losing all 6 points to the leaders though with 5 games each left to play.  (MoM_Liam Cuin)

I keep bigging up Harvey's All Stars but tonight they just weren't at the races at all against a Luke Berry-inspired Blue Bishops.  Right from the off their defensive strategy was non-existent.  They often run out of legs in the second half of games as was their problem last week losing a 3-1 lead with 2 minutes to go.  Keep Luke Berry off his prolific left foot and you may stand half a chance.  Sadly for the All Stars they failed to do so.  Goal scorers for the Bishops were , in no particular order, Luke Berry, Luke Berry, Luke Berry, Luke Berry, Luke Berry, Luke Berry, Luke Berry and finally Luke Berry. Eight for the Bishops. Eight for Luke Berry.  Who said they're a one-man team?  Finally in the last minute Rick Smith managed to score past Jon Hutley in the Bishops' goal.  So at least it wasn't embarrassing then?  (MoM_ erm....Luke Berry)

Could Fashion Flooring Centre extend their unbeaten run any further against a more solid-looking Blast Coat tonight.  Well the early stages were climaxed by a Kevin Porter goal for BC so the pressure was on.  It's amazing what a few decent results can do to a team's confidence though as the second half may have seen a collapse last season.  The other blot on FFC's first half performance was a little shove on Clogger into a wall by the mild-mannered FFC skip Dave Orme whose defence was surely as Clogger's normally is, he got there as quick as he could! People could say had it been Clogger on Dave into a wall then he may have been sent off or at least sin binned.  Dave's defence team will no doubt claim that the reason their client was so late getting to Clogger on this occasion was the constant kicks down his calves by the Blast Coat skipper in the minutes leading up to the incident in question.  Clogger will probably be billed this week for the damage caused to the wall by his thick head.  Anyway, FFC, still with 5 players, managed to turn the game on its head, no pun intended, with Russell Orme continuing his impressive scoring form with a couple of goals (and a near miss too) to give FFC yet another victory and this time against a top four team. (MoM_Russell Orme)

The end of the night saw crowds gather for what could have been a thrilling finale to the league schedule.  Unfortunately it could also be a game involving GS Heating and Catalan Giants.  On this cold evening, the only thing kept warm by this match were the watching audience's ears fuelled by all the hot air coming out of John Woodham's mouth as he screamed abuse at his ever-patient team-mates.  The first half did not see one shot on target.  I know that could have meant GSH venturing into their opponent's half but not even a long distance strike was on offer.  As usual the wall of orange was difficult to break down.  The tempo changed in the second half as John Speller, 50 years the junior of the rest of his team mates, came out on pitch as John retired to goal.  Or just retired.  Young John eventually teamed up well with his dad Graham to provide the elder Speller with his 14th goal of the season and John himself scored the vital second goal a minute or so from the end giving the Giants no hope of a recovery.  (MoM_John Speller)

Sunday 12 February 2012

Views expressed in these reports are my personal ones and are not necessarily those of the rest of the league committee or D Cups. MoMs decided by the match official.

LAST GASP MAULER WINNER BREAKS IRONS HEARTS

PINKSTERS UP TO 3RD

PUSSAY PATROL DROP POINTS

Division 1 News
The game of the night involved the champion limeys and the ever-improving, or at least turning up, Irons.  A delight to referee although I was glad I brought up my mobility scooter from which to officiate as the pace of the game was relentless.  Brad Devonshire was at his difficult-to-get-off-the-ball best tonight and a bit of jiggery pokery from him down the right led to the opening goal for The Irons as he waited patiently for a sprinting Paul Kinggett to arrive untracked to stab the ball home from just outside the box.  The Irons remained more than a match for the limeys and were unfortunate to concede an equaliser as a Gino shot took a massive ricochet off Adam Sontag to find its way into the opposite corner to which keeper Dave Clark was diving.  The second half continued at pace and it was not undeserved when the same partnership of Brad and Paul conjured up a second goal for The Irons, this time a wonderfully weighted ball with the outside of the former's right foot to the marauding feet of the latter for his second goal of the night.  The lead didn't last too long as one of Ashley Conlan's mazy jinks saw his buddy Adam Sontag "slip" onto his backside only to watch red-faced as the limey top scorer scored his 30th goal of the season.  Just when we all thought this was going to end up 2-2 like the last time these two teams met, up popped Mauler Mayhew to curl in a last minute winner for the champs.  There was still time however for Malcolm Dewhurst to leap into action again to prevent Bard from scoring with the last kick of the match.  Good stuff.  And a good game, played in a good spirit between two teams who have respect for one another. If only all games could be played like this.  (MoM_Brad Devonshire)

The Spanish w@nkers hold onto second spot after their hard-fought win over Green Machines tonight.  Will Castle actually gave the Machines the lead before Sean Nolan levelled and then a Craig Charles shot was saved but followed up by dad Alvyn to give the yellows the lead.  Golden Boot leader Craig scored what turned out to be the winner but Glen conjured up another consolation for Green Machines.  (MoM_Glen Righelato)

The pinksters, having not had , by their standards, a vintage start to the campaign, keep plugging away and tonight they faced Frontiers who once again were without top scorer Goughy.  In his place came James Bender who did curl in a spectacular opening goal for Frontiers.  Not for the first time then the pinksters had to come from behind but not many people would have guessed the scorer of their equaliser as Mark Smith curled in a shot from a Nobby free kick. Dave Hardy, despite his reputation of shooting from just inside the revolving doors of the leisurezone if he got the chance, got his first of two assists tonight as he fed The Jash Man, who subsequently was given the ball by a yelling Gentleman Jim in goal for Frontiers and didn't waste the chance for his second goal.  The game was finished off by The Nobster as Dave set him up and Sawbo won 4-1.  Mark Smith went in goal for them in the second half and pulled off a save near the end of which even Steve Barnard would have been proud.  (MoM_Mark Smith)

A game involving Four Friends and Brad is usually highly entertaining, if volatile if they play the mighty Fleetwood.  They usually leave me searching for superlatives not to mention ink for my pen given the goals they often either score but mostly concede.  So tonight we expected another goal fest this time against Bayside Tigers who have thus far managed to beat everyone they have played apart from the 2nd and 3rd placed teams in the league.  As far as a spectacle is concerned, this game didn't lack much at all apart from goals funnily enough.  It really was end to end with both Derek and Brad pulling off fine stops at crucial stages of the game.  The one goal of the game came in the second half and was scored by the trusty left foot of Alan Price as he sprinted after a long throw out from his keeper Derek.  This result, after such a shaky start, puts the Tigers up into the top five. (MoM_Brad Richie)

Division 2 News

Pussay Patrol, after last week's victory over their nearest challengers, may well have won them the league but teams are still out to get them in the remaining games and are still after the points themselves to finish as high as they can in the table.  Now Harvey's All Stars were definitely up for this one what with the battle of the Campbell brothers pitting their wits with one another. The league leaders appeared to have been let down by a goalkeeper or two tonight so everyone had a stab between the sticks at some point during the game.  It was an entertaining match with a lot of sibling pride to play for.  You could have scripted the first meaningful action as Owen Campbell extended his reach outside of the penalty area to concede a spot kick. Up stepped brother Calvin to take the penalty and to give the All Stars the lead.  Sam Deards levelled for the league leaders having been set up by top scorer Mike Earley.  Rick Smith gave the All Stars a second half lead again having been set up by skipper Adam and then the current wearer of the keeper's gloves Gibbo The Masked Man grabbed the ball out of the area to concede PP's second penalty.  Up stepped Cal Campbell again to extend their lead but the masked man threw his cloak on to the ball admirably to make a wonderful save. Calvin was therefore grateful to see Rick curl in a left foot strike soon afterwards to spare him his blushes.  So 3-1 to the All Stars with a few minutes left on the clock.  Gibbo came out of goal and watched as the All Stars' last scorer lost possession dangerously close to their area only for Sam Deards to fire in what should have been PP's consolation near the end but for the masked man's mazy run and shot to level the game at 3-3 with seconds to go. Two dropped points for the league leaders but in the scheme of things not a disaster and a worthy point for the All Stars who should be gearing up for a promotion challenge next season.  (MoM_Gibbo The Masked Man)

With an opportunity to gain a couple of points on the leaders then, the chasing pack, who will be knackered at the end given the large gap between them really, looked for morale-boosting wins.  First up for the challenge were the leaders' two nearest challengers Disleksicks and Blast Coat.  Top scorer Kevin Porter gave Blast Coat the lead amid Disleksick moaning but chief grouch Ben Russell scored a top notch equaliser before the break.  In the good old days, maybe Blast Coat would have crumbled at this point with Clogger charging in to tackles after which he would claim he was there as quick he could be when in actual fact it would have been coincidental had it been on the same day.  But no, these days he keeps his cool, despite some provocation. However, having said that they did go on to concede a couple of Andy Speed strikes in the Dissies' eventual 3-1 win.  (MoM_Andy Speed)

Elite have been labouring to victory recently and tonight looked like they were going to suffer against a vibrant Oddballs side for whom Ryan Panchal was in fine form.  In fact he got a first half hat trick in Oddballs' 3-0 lead at the break. With Harry Redknapp's managerial skills, Brian Skeete took himself off and brought on top scorer Timmy Sosanya.  Chris Barton scored from the spot as the OB keeper edged out of his area right at the start of the second half to give Elite some hope.  Timmy found the net spectacularly for 2-3 and then the same keeper, who was now playing on pitch, encroached into his own area by about a yard to concede his 2nd penalty.  Chris stepped up to score again and bring Elite level.  There was only going to be one winner after that and Timmy made sure of it with a couple more goals for the game to finish 5-3.  Memories of Spurs Man U a few years back.  (MoM_Timmy Sosanya)

The last two games involved a catching up Catalan Giants who first had to face Blue Bishops and they performing heroically in this one with Austin Lark getting a brace in a 2-2 battling draw. Needless to say Luke Berry notched twice for the Bishops who have lost their way a bit over recent weeks having lost last time out to Fashion Flooring Centre who were the Giants' next opponents tonight.  Confident they could capitalise on the Giants' weary legs letting them down in their second game, FFC were shocked to concede an opening goal to Austin early on.  But as soon as Andy Hutchinson had weaved his way round Clachan Jnr in goal to level things, there was only going to be one result.  Even Dave Orme got on the score sheet before brother Russ' hat trick and a Mr Angry og sealed the 6-2 win for FFC who now haven't lost a league game since 18 December. You would never have thought that could be said after their start.  Matt Taylor got his 1st league goal of the season for the Giants by the way for their 2nd. (MoM_Russell Orme)